Undercover Teacher

I plunged into my second day of “teaching” in the middle of a Washingtonian farming community, eagerly facilitating a lesson on music as poetry. While I was excited to see nearly everyone engaged (despite the lack of preparedness on the part of 5 out of 6 guys), my primary “teacher moment” came during 2^nd period with a bunch of seniors. Yes, the seniors are working on their senior projects—which of course means that the entire period is spent dinging around, playing computer games, chatting, or sleeping on the floor (my cooperating teacher has pillows in her class!!).

The sub busied herself on the computer while I joined the circle of four girls browsing through Cosmo. Oh, I shant forget to mention the four boys that were on the fringe of our little circle--also listening in and commenting on Avril Lavigne’s new glam look. Motivated by the riveting conversations about gender, sexuality, and sex ed in my teacher-prep program, I started asking questions about the sex-ed program or lack thereof at Random High.

Rolling eyes, whispered asides, and awkward chair adjustments signaled that the sub was mortified that I was 1) allowing the discussion to occur, and 2) actually participating in it with comments and questions.
The pinnacle of the experience was when the sub mentioned how inappropriate certain kinds of sex ed were for an immature audience. All eyes turned to listen to her argument, then seconds after she’d finished her shpeel they jumped on it.

“Schools only allow facts, not discussion on personal feelings and choices”

“I’d make your mom jokes too”

“If they don’t hear about it, how will they make educated decisions?”

It was a beautiful sight. I wanted to to hug every single on of those kids. Amidst articles of sex faux paus, booty-call guidelines, and inappropriate doctor-patient relationships, I discovered that these seniors were critically thinking about the messages communicated through superficial magazines. Guys and gals alike criticized the advice of Cosmo editors and readers. In fact, these kids were very in tune with their own sexuality and all encompassing needs than I’m sure most adults would give them credit for.

I'm too sexy for this shirt....

Who would have suspected that a week in Gender, Sexuality, and Schooling, a video about the feminist movement, and segregated/coed discussions about gender stereotypes would send me down this meandering trail of contemplation.

I am struck by the conscious and unconscious influences that have contributed to the creation of the current April 10, 2005 version of Hope Evangeline Teague. I hate to admit that I am a product of multiple voices (including my own), my global culture, and my personal choices. Whether you want to blame media or your parents, each one of us has to reconcile the enticing and sometimes contradicting voices of our environment.

I live in America: land of the free, home of the brave. I can choose my own adventure, my own reality, my own identity—rejecting or embracing the image of perfection mainstream media knows so well. I am autonomous, independent. It’s all about me. Liberty. Rights. Freedom to fulfill my wildest, most selfish desires in the pursuit of happiness.

Thanks to my sisters, who machete-ed the path of freedom, I have the right to vote, the right to have sex-- the right to embrace my sexuality in all its glory!! Freedom. Girls gone wild! I am no longer dictated by the desire of man. No longer in a state of penis envy. On no, I am throwing off the chains of gender bondage and reclaiming my sexuality. Let’s burn these constraining symbols of subjagation!! Oh wait; I just spent $50 on them. Never mind…

A sex-o-matic, venus freak. The sexual revolution of the 60’s and 70’s did well to put the power of sexuality back into the hands women across this nation. Or did it? Seems like a win-win situation for most men. In the past, they dominated the bedroom and demanded their needs met with little regard for the object of desire. Today, men may not have to do so much demanding because women are liberated to explore their sexual selves. Some argue, that the power of sexuality has always belonged to the woman…regretfully, another topic for another time.

Freedom in sexuality? Free to be “safely” engage in pleasure. Free to make the choice to sleep around…or remain abstinent. Is the girl who chooses the latter perpetuating the oppression of female sexuality? Is the category of slut just a social construct that resulted from jealous women? I’m not buying it. Maybe there’s a boundaries to enjoying your sexuality to its fullest without being known as the town whore. And what shall be said for the role boundaries to strengthen that freedom? We live in a society with rules and regulations—as much as I hate restrictions, I’m appreciative of guidelines that aid the function of community. I suppose Paine would mock me to some extent.

And in the midst of every diatribe, the pendulum must eventually quite swinging. Is there a point of equilibrium, a place of balance in discussions on gender and sexuality? If I have the right, then should I exercise it? Should we fight for the right, and then do whatever we want? Can we really change the expectations of culture? Are we really changing anything especially t he mentality, culture, and social “norm” defined by upper middle class white males? As a living entity, culture evolves. Do we want it to? And how so? We fight culture. Culture changes. Then fight that culture. It changes again. But did it ever really change? Or are we disillusioned to believe that it did? Perhaps the changes are just another form of the same thing. Men may still end up on top.

Question all—how do I know the next bandwagon is good or actually a waste? How do my actions, words, etc. reflect an alternative viewpoint? How about an alternative of the alternative’s alternative? Am I a walking perpetuator of status quo Americana and mediocre tradition? Or do I represent a voice of reason and perspective?

Warning: rants to come

Yes, I've been neglecting my lovely little blog. But alas, the spring quarter of my sadistic graduate program is in full-swing. We are entering the sexuality and education discussion. You can expect to see some reflections and reactions to this topic. I will try to post things in sections, as not to be overwhelming.

Oh yeah, I've been thinking alot about boxes and labels. And the pope.

Now back to my reading.